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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. - Eric Morecambe

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Top 100 Witty Quotes

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow . - Frank Zappa

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow . Frank Zappa

Moments People Quotes Short Quotes

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. - Anonymous

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. - Anonymous

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. Anonymous

Never Quotes Sayings Top 100

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! - Anonymous

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Are you free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I'm still expensive. Anonymous

Money Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia. Anonymous

Drinking Questions Top 100

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation? Anonymous

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? - Anonymous

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? Anonymous

Questions Top 100

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. - John Gotti

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

John Gotti

Think Quotes Top 100 Work Quotes

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. - Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Time Quotes

It's so simple to be wise.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. Sam Levenson

Think Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted! - Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted! Anonymous

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... - Steven Alexander Wright

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... Steven Alexander Wright

Life Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. - Anonymous

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. Anonymous

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

Ronnie Shakes

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. - Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. - Anonymous

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. Anonymous

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. - Anonymous

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. Anonymous

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