Stupid Funny Quotes

I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly!

Anonymous

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.

Sigmund Freud

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Dave Barry

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Steven Alexander Wright

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Anonymous

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Anonymous

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.

Anonymous

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.

Anonymous

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Anonymous

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

Anonymous

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Anonymous

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Anonymous

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.

Anonymous

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."

Anonymous

Beginner pilot rules:

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.

Anonymous

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Anonymous