Stupid Funny Quotes

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Beginner pilot rules:

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.