Stupid Funny Quotes

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.