Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
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I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
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