Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
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You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Steven Alexander Wright
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
A joke is a very serious thing.
The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
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