Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
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I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
