Funny Facebook Quotes and Sayings

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!

I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."

If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!

You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it.

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.

There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

Happy New Year! Here's to another year of binge eating, Facebook surfing, and Netflix marathons.

Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.

If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee.

Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.