Famous Funny Quotes

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Famous quotes by famous authors. Great people make great quotes, and these prominent authors have made our list of the best famous quotes of all time.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. -Albert Einstein

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein

Love Quotes Man Quotes Sayings

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. Winston Churchill

Analogies Good Quotes Top 100

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein

Love Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Jack Handey

Animals Eat Quotes People Quotes

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

Sayings Top 100

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

Pablo Picasso

Man Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Dave Barry

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. Mark Twain

Drinking Eat Quotes Top 100

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. Albert Einstein

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

Jack Handey

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry

Beer Quotes Drinking Stupid Quotes

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. Albert Einstein

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle. - Jack Adams

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

Jack Adams

Life Quotes Wise Quotes

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. - Frank Zappa

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. Frank Zappa

Good Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. - Melanie Griffith

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.

Melanie Griffith

Love Quotes Short Quotes

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Marilyn Monroe

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

Questions Top 100

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. - Albert Einstein

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. Albert Einstein

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ? - George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?

George Carlin

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.' - Steven Alexander Wright

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.' Steven Alexander Wright

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