Famous Funny Quotes

Home / Famous Funny Quotes

Famous quotes by famous authors. Great people make great quotes, and these prominent authors have made our list of the best famous quotes of all time.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein

Love Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. - Melanie Griffith

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.

Melanie Griffith

Love Quotes Short Quotes

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. Albert Einstein

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut. Albert Einstein

Life Quotes Work Quotes

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

Questions Top 100

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

Sayings Top 100

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. Winston Churchill

Analogies Good Quotes Top 100

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Jack Handey

Animals Eat Quotes People Quotes

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. -Albert Einstein

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein

Love Quotes Man Quotes Sayings

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. Dave Barry

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle. - Jack Adams

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

Jack Adams

Life Quotes Wise Quotes

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George W. Bush

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.

George W. Bush

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. Mark Twain

Drinking Eat Quotes Top 100

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. Albert Einstein

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

Pablo Picasso

Man Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes

There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'

Jim Carey

Money Quotes People Quotes Time Quotes

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ? - George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?

George Carlin

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. - Frank Zappa

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. Frank Zappa

Good Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. - Albert Einstein

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. Albert Einstein

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

Jack Handey

Displayed 1-24 of 33 quotes.