Funny Witty Quotes
Funny witty quotes and sayings.
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. Anonymous
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Anonymous
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. Anonymous
Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck. Anonymous
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing. Anonymous
I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face, but with words. Anonymous
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? Anonymous
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. Anonymous
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway! CoolFunnyQuotes.com
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Anonymous
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
Displayed 1-24 of 47 quotes.