Funny Witty Quotes
Funny witty quotes and sayings.
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. Anonymous
Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face. Anonymous
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck. Anonymous
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Anonymous
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. Anonymous
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing. Anonymous
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? Anonymous
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty. Anonymous
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous
I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon. Anonymous
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. Anonymous
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Anonymous
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. Anonymous
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway! CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by... Anonymous
Displayed 1-24 of 47 quotes.