Funny Witty Quotes

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Funny witty quotes and sayings.

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. - Anonymous
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. Anonymous
Top 100
In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor." - Anonymous
In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor." Anonymous
I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by... - Anonymous
I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by... Anonymous
People Quotes Phone Stupid Quotes
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Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon. Anonymous
Short Quotes
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. - Anonymous
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. Anonymous
Life Quotes Math Quotes Top 100
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. Anonymous
Animals Top 100
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say. - Ronnie Shakes
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

Ronnie Shakes

Know Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Steven Alexander Wright
Short Quotes Think Quotes Wise Quotes
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Alexander Wright
Wise Quotes
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway! Anonymous
Short Quotes
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. Anonymous
Short Quotes
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' - Anonymous
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. - Eric Morecambe
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Stupid Quotes Top 100
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion.
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. Anonymous
Happy Quotes
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous
Animals TV Quotes Top 100
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