Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is the pop corn? - Anonymous

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is the pop corn?

Questions Short Quotes

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."

Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"?

Each year in the USA, 16 people are attacked by sharks and 6000 by goats . We don't need shark week, we need goat week. - Anonymous

Each year in the USA, 16 people are attacked by sharks and 6000 by goats . We don't need shark week, we need goat week.

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn't ready.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

I don't have a new year resolution - you don't need that when you're perfect. - Anonymous

I don't have a new year resolution - you don't need that when you're perfect.

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth. - Anonymous

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth.

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I'll shop.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you. - Anonymous

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Animals Cat Quotes Short Quotes

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font. - Anonymous

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font.

Sayings Short Quotes

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

My new year resolutions: 1. Stop procrastinating so much. 2. I'll post the rest tomorrow or whenever. - Anonymous

My new year resolutions: 1. Stop procrastinating so much. 2. I'll post the rest tomorrow or whenever.

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut. - Anonymous

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

Sayings Top 100

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Phone Sayings Top 100

New year resolution: Complete the resolutions I set in 2019, that were actually from 2018, passed down from 2017, originally from 2016, actually set in 2015, that all began in 2014 but truly started in 2013. - Anonymous

New year resolution: Complete the resolutions I set in 2019, that were actually from 2018, passed down from 2017, originally from 2016, actually set in 2015, that all began in 2014 but truly started in 2013.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Sayings Top 100

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Good Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Less is more, unless it's kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Target cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for? Me: First of all, I wasn't looking for ANY of this.

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon. - Anonymous

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

Life Quotes Moments Top 100

Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100