Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Short Quotes Lazy Quotes

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I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Stupid Quotes Math Quotes

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Short Quotes Lazy Quotes

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Short Quotes Life Quotes Best Quotes

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Stupid Quotes Facebook

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I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Sayings People Quotes

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Short Quotes Wise Quotes Questions

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Short Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes

The broccoli says....

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Stupid Quotes Tree Quotes

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes

Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Short Quotes Life Quotes

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

Life Quotes Moments

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