Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Them: Money doesn't bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

My darling, this scenery makes me speechless. Husband: Perfect, we're setting up tent here.

Love Quotes Marriage Quotes

They say time is the solution to every problem. I've been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy. - Anonymous

They say time is the solution to every problem. I've been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Phone Sayings Top 100

We should start referring to age as "levels." So when you're level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

I'm not sure what is more scary these days, checking my temperature or checking my weight.

I would've never imaged going into a bank wearing a mask and asking the teller for money.

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. - Anonymous

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

I'm as single as a one dollar bill, and I don't need any change.

Money Quotes Short Quotes

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

Are you free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I'm still expensive.

Money Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I'm still trying to figure out how "wash your hands often" translates into "buy all the toilet paper you can find."

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

Sayings Top 100

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.

I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face, but with words.

People Quotes Short Quotes Witty Quotes

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.

A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you.

Friend Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Sayings Top 100

The only exercise I've done this month is running... out of money!

Exercise Quotes Money Quotes Short Quotes

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. - Anonymous

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

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