Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Short Quotes Lazy Quotes Sleep Quotes

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

I used to think I was indecisive, but I'm not too sure any more.

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I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Short Quotes Eat Quotes

I'm so glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's ready handy this parallelogram season.

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Short Quotes Lazy Quotes

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

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Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it.

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

Don't blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Never forget those who helped you along the way... Google, Wikipedia and Dictionary.

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Stupid Quotes Math Quotes

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Short Quotes Life Quotes Best Quotes

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Short Quotes Lazy Quotes

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