Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."

Life Quotes

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth. - Anonymous

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth.

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you. - Anonymous

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font. - Anonymous

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font.

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut. - Anonymous

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.

Sayings

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon. - Anonymous

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon.

Short Quotes

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them. - Anonymous

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.

Short Quotes

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. - Anonymous

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it. - Anonymous

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it.

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. - Anonymous

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Sayings

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. - Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. - Anonymous

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead. - Anonymous

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Sleep Quotes

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more. - Anonymous

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.

Sayings

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money. - Anonymous

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money.

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere. - Anonymous

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Sayings

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Next Page »