Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels. Anonymous

Short Quotes Work Quotes

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. Anonymous

Phone Sayings Top 100

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. - Anonymous

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

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Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same! Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." Anonymous

Facebook Top 100

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you. Anonymous

Math Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. - Anonymous

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. Anonymous

Animals Top 100

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Sayings

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? Anonymous

Questions Sayings

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. Anonymous

Stupid Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. - Anonymous

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? Anonymous

Love Quotes Money Quotes Top 100

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt. Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Anonymous

Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

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You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared! Anonymous

Animals Love Quotes Top 100

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. - Anonymous

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. - Anonymous

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. - Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Statements

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? - Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. - Anonymous

A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Anonymous

Analogies Short Quotes Top 100

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid." - Anonymous

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid." Anonymous

Facebook Short Quotes Top 100

They say we learn from our mistakes, that's why I'm making as many as possible. Soon I'll be a genius. Anonymous

Dear mathematicians: Stop asking us to find your x. She has a new boyfriend. Anonymous

Math Quotes Short Quotes

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