Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is the pop corn?

Questions Short Quotes

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."

Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"?

Each year in the USA, 16 people are attacked by sharks and 6000 by goats . We don't need shark week, we need goat week.

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth. - Anonymous

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth.

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you. - Anonymous

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Animals Cat Quotes Short Quotes

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font. - Anonymous

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font.

Sayings Short Quotes

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut. - Anonymous

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Sayings Top 100

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon. - Anonymous

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon.

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them. - Anonymous

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Phone Sayings Top 100

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them. - Anonymous

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.

Sayings Work Quotes

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

People Quotes Top 100

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it. - Anonymous

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes Think Quotes

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. - Anonymous

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. - Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Internet People Quotes

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

Know Quotes Moments People Quotes

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. - Anonymous

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

Sayings Short Quotes

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead. - Anonymous

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more. - Anonymous

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes