Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Them: Money doesn't bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad. Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. Anonymous

Phone Sayings Top 100

My body has absorbed so much soap, sanitizer and disinfectant, that now when I pee it cleans the toilet. - Anonymous

My body has absorbed so much soap, sanitizer and disinfectant, that now when I pee it cleans the toilet. Anonymous

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

"Are you busy tomorrow?" That entirely depends on what you need me to do. Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Q: How did you vote this year?
A: With a mask and gloves.
Q: And what are you hoping for?
A: That I don't get infected.
Q: No I mean what do you hope will change after your vote?
A: My mask and gloves.
Q: So what do you think the results will be?
A: Some will be positive, some negative. Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." Anonymous

Facebook Top 100

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. - Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. Anonymous

Internet People Quotes Top 100

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water. Anonymous

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes. - Anonymous

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes. Anonymous

Facebook Friend Quotes Short Quotes

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. - Anonymous

That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master. Anonymous

Moments Top 100

Today I saw a woman talking to her cat, she really thought the cat understood. I told my dog when I got home... we both had a good laugh. - Anonymous

Today I saw a woman talking to her cat, she really thought the cat understood. I told my dog when I got home... we both had a good laugh. Anonymous

Animals Cat Quotes Dog Quotes

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me. Anonymous

How can you hurt someone with words? Hit them with a dictionary. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

It's not boring staying in the house for weeks in a row. But how come one bag of rice has 48,356 gains and the other 47,998? Anonymous

I'm still trying to figure out how "wash your hands often" translates into "buy all the toilet paper you can find." Anonymous

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to run in and grab a 36-pack of toilet paper as soon as the store opens. This message will auto-flush in 5 seconds. Anonymous

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro. Anonymous

I don't have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights. Anonymous

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

If I'm constantly bothering you, it means you're an important person. Anonymous

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you. Anonymous

Math Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

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