Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. - Anonymous

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's like 7 years in a row now.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Phone Sayings Top 100

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It's like the other vegetables aren't even trying.

Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

Sayings Top 100

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.

Sayings Short Quotes

I survived the great toilet paper scare of 2020.

I love all mythical creatures... vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK."

A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you.

Friend Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

People Quotes Sayings Top 100

How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso.

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take.

Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

Life Quotes Moments Top 100

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again. - Anonymous

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.

Know Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

This too shall pass... It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. - Anonymous

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Life Quotes Questions Top 100

If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam - Anonymous

If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it. - Anonymous

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it.

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