A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's like 7 years in a row now.
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It's like the other vegetables aren't even trying.
Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.
If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.
I survived the great toilet paper scare of 2020.
I love all mythical creatures... vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.
I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK."
A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you.
There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso.
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
This too shall pass... It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it.
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