A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Them: Money doesn't bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.
My darling, this scenery makes me speechless. Husband: Perfect, we're setting up tent here.
They say time is the solution to every problem. I've been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
We should start referring to age as "levels." So when you're level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.
I'm not sure what is more scary these days, checking my temperature or checking my weight.
I would've never imaged going into a bank wearing a mask and asking the teller for money.
Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
I'm as single as a one dollar bill, and I don't need any change.
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.
Are you free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I'm still expensive.
By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.
When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
I'm still trying to figure out how "wash your hands often" translates into "buy all the toilet paper you can find."
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth.
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face, but with words.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you.
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.
The only exercise I've done this month is running... out of money!
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
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