Stupid Funny Quotes

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

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Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

Anonymous

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Albert Einstein

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Anonymous

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

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I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.

Anonymous

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

Anonymous

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Anonymous

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

Anonymous

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Anonymous

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

Anonymous

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.

Anonymous

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.

Anonymous