Stupid Funny Quotes

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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. - Anonymous

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. Anonymous

Life Quotes Sayings

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' Anonymous

Dog Quotes Top 100

Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Anonymous

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. - Anonymous

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?' Anonymous

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. - Anonymous

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave. Anonymous

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. - Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen

Moments Short Quotes

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

Ronnie Shakes

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow . - Frank Zappa

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow . Frank Zappa

Moments People Quotes Short Quotes

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. - Anonymous

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. - Eric Morecambe

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Top 100 Witty Quotes

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Emo Philips

Computers Short Quotes

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying.

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. - Anonymous

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. Anonymous

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid. Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. - Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. Anonymous

Drinking Think Quotes Top 100

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. - Anonymous

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry

Beer Quotes Drinking Famous Quotes

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. - Anonymous

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. Anonymous

Questions Top 100

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits. - Anonymous

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits. Anonymous

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out. Anonymous

Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not. - Anonymous

Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. - Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Time Quotes

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