Stupid Funny Quotes

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

When I try on an outfit and it doesn't make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, no, you don't deserve to be hung up, think about what you've done.

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

Beginner pilot rules:

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.