Money Quotes

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars."

I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money.

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.

Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.

When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I'm grown up, I know I was right.

There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'

Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet.

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

What's your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.

No matter how bad it gets I'm always rich when I go to the dollar store.

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.

I wish my wallet came with free refills.

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.

Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.