Funny Wife Quotes

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

Anonymous

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

Sigmund Freud

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

Anonymous

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

Anonymous

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

Anonymous

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Anonymous

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Anonymous

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

Anonymous

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!

Anonymous

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

Anonymous

My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.

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My wife asked me what numbers to play at the lottery. I told her 'the winning ones!'

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Sam Levenson

When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.

Anonymous