Funny Wife Quotes

How was the word "Wife" invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.