Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
I don't have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.
Money doesn't make happiness, it buys it already made.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
I liked the movie Titanic, my favorite character was the iceberg.
I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
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