Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.
I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
Cool Funny Quotes
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2020