Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.
I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2020