Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
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