Funny Statements

Home / Funny Statements

Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. - Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. - Anonymous

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Anonymous

Facebook Love Quotes People Quotes

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. - Anonymous

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes Love Quotes

Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.

Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Moments

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! - Anonymous

I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! Anonymous

Questions Sayings Short Quotes

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Sayings

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. - Anonymous

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings Top 100

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. - Anonymous

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Top 100

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. - Anonymous

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. Anonymous

People Quotes Phone Top 100

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong. - Anonymous

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Wise Quotes

I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing. - Anonymous

I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it! Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing. - Anonymous

Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. - Anonymous

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time. Anonymous

Money Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. - Anonymous

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

It's really complicated to make something simple.

It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated. Anonymous

Sayings Top 100

It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that. Anonymous

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. - Anonymous

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. Anonymous

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. - Anonymous

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings

I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it. - Anonymous

I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it. Anonymous

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.

Bernard Bailey

I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon. - Anonymous

I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Displayed 1-24 of 50 quotes.