Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
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