Funny Statements

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.

Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.

Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.

I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!