Read some of the funniest statements that have been made throughout time.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
Studying means 10% reading and 90% complaining to your friends that you have to study.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
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