In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
More Quotes by Woody Allen
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.
When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.
My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!
My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.
One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'
Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day.
