Woody Allen Quote

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

Anonymous

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

Anonymous

When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.

Anonymous

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

Anonymous

My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.

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One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

Anonymous

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

Sigmund Freud

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

Anonymous

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?

Groucho Marx

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

John Gotti

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Benjamin Franklin

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

Anonymous

Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day.

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When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

Helen Rowland

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.

Anonymous

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

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