Short Funny Quotes

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.

People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.