Short Funny Quotes

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?