Short Funny Quotes

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Anonymous

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Anonymous

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Anonymous

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Anonymous

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Anonymous

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

Anonymous

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Anonymous

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Anonymous

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Anonymous

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Anonymous

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

Anonymous