Short Funny Quotes

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Anonymous

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.

Anonymous

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth.

Anonymous

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Anonymous

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font.

Anonymous

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Anonymous

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it.

Anonymous

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.

Anonymous

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon.

Anonymous

I used to think I was indecisive, but I'm not too sure any more.

Anonymous

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Anonymous

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Anonymous

Don't blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Anonymous

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

Anonymous

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it.

Anonymous

Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.

Anonymous

I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Anonymous