Short Funny Quotes

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.

How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice?

I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.