Short Funny Quotes

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Anonymous

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Anonymous

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

Anonymous

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Anonymous

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.

Anonymous

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Anonymous

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Anonymous

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Anonymous

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

Anonymous

Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.

Anonymous

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

Anonymous

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

Anonymous