Funny Dog Quotes

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

Today I saw a woman talking to her cat, she really thought the cat understood. I told my dog when I got home... we both had a good laugh.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.

How was the dog's day? Ruff.

I named my dog "5 Miles," so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.