Stupid Funny Quotes

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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. - Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen

Moments Short Quotes

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Jack Handey

Animals Eat Quotes Famous Quotes

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying. Anonymous

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all. Anonymous

Sayings Top 100 World Quotes

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry

Beer Quotes Drinking Famous Quotes

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already. Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. - Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. Anonymous

Drinking Think Quotes Top 100

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Beer Quotes Drinking Exercise Quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx

Dog Quotes Friend Quotes Man Quotes

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow . - Frank Zappa

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow . Frank Zappa

Moments People Quotes Short Quotes

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone. - Anonymous

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Good Quotes Short Quotes

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. - Anonymous

If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave. Anonymous

Life Quotes Sayings

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you. Anonymous

People Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. - Anonymous

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. Dave Barry

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it. Anonymous

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. - Anonymous

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' Anonymous

Dog Quotes Top 100

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out. Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. - Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. Anonymous

Life Quotes Top 100

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. - Anonymous

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. - John Gotti

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

John Gotti

Think Quotes Top 100 Work Quotes

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