I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.
My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.
When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy!"
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?
When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.
Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.
You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
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