Stupid Funny Quotes

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow .

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.