Stupid Funny Quotes

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Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. - Anonymous

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Phone

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard. Anonymous

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Jack Handey

Animals Eat Quotes Famous Quotes

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. - Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. Anonymous

Short Quotes Wise Quotes Witty Quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx

Dog Quotes Friend Quotes Man Quotes

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.. Anonymous

Never Quotes Short Quotes

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. - Anonymous

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!"

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy!" Anonymous

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. - Anonymous

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Drinking

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day. - Anonymous

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Think Quotes

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Anonymous

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. Anonymous

Short Quotes Think Quotes

Actual meanings of various terms.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Anonymous

Money Quotes Work Quotes

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! - Anonymous

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Near year 2013, resolutions you can keep.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Anonymous

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes TV Quotes

I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident. - Anonymous

I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. - Anonymous

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. Anonymous

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already. Anonymous

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!' Anonymous

Know Quotes Top 100

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes TV Quotes

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Douglas Adams

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. Dave Barry

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns

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