Funny Drinking Quotes

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I don't have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.

There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.