Funny Drinking Quotes

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.

Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.

Not to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.