Funny Drinking Quotes

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

Anonymous

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

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A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

Anonymous

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Mark Twain

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

Anonymous

Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.

Anonymous

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Anonymous

Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.

Anonymous

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Steven Alexander Wright

I don't have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.

Anonymous

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

George Burns

Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.

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How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

Anonymous

There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.

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Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Anonymous