Funny Drinking Quotes

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.

Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against tables, chairs and walls.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.