Stupid Funny Quotes
I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.Anonymous
I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...Anonymous
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.Woody Allen
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.Anonymous
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.Anonymous
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.Anonymous
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there.Anonymous
Are you free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I'm still expensive.Anonymous
Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.Anonymous
Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.Anonymous
Displayed 106-120 of 168 quotes.