Stupid Funny Quotes

If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.

Anonymous

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am..

Anonymous

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

Anonymous

The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.

Bill Gullickson

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees

David Letterman

I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.

Anonymous

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.

Sigmund Freud

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.

Anonymous

Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears.

Anonymous

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Dave Barry

But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.

Anonymous

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Anonymous

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Steven Alexander Wright

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly!

Anonymous

When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'

Anonymous

It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins.

Anonymous

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it.

Anonymous