Stupid Funny Quotes

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone.

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.

I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident.

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.