Man Quotes

Today I decided to do some manly work. I sat down on the couch and I'm watching TV. It's hard but it's necessary.

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.. Why? Because the leather smells like a new car.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"