If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. I kinda want this job.
My boss told me "It's not rocket science." Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.
There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
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