I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.
I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.
The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
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