Stupid Funny Quotes

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What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' - Anonymous

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' Anonymous

Animals Phone Time Quotes

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia. Anonymous

Drinking Questions Top 100

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons...and 85% morons. Frank Zappa

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. - Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. Anonymous

Life Quotes Top 100

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' Anonymous

Dog Quotes Top 100

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. - Anonymous

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. - Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Time Quotes

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could! Anonymous

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George W. Bush

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.

George W. Bush

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Anonymous

Good Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. - Anonymous

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. - Anonymous

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. - Anonymous

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. - Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. - Anonymous

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.

I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think. Anonymous

Short Quotes Think Quotes

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. - Anonymous

Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Phone

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.

I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it. Anonymous

Know Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night. Anonymous

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. - Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen

Moments Short Quotes

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. - Anonymous

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working. Anonymous

Questions Top 100

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow . - Frank Zappa

I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow . Frank Zappa

Moments People Quotes Short Quotes

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