Stupid Funny Quotes

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads.

I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly!