Stupid Funny Quotes

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Are you free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I'm still expensive.

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.