Wise cracks and funny advise that people have given to others.
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.
Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
In Math class we learned more about algebra today, such as X+10=Y should I care?
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