Wise Quotes

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Wise cracks and funny advise that people have given to others.

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. Anonymous

Stupid Quotes Top 100

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. - Anonymous

I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. Anonymous

Know Quotes Sayings Think Quotes

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. - Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year. - Anonymous

I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Sayings Top 100

It's so simple to be wise.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. Sam Levenson

Stupid Quotes Think Quotes Top 100

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target. Anonymous

Never Quotes Sayings Top 100

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? - Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all. - David Letterman

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman

Sayings Stupid Quotes Top 100

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary. - Anonymous

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary. Anonymous

Facebook Short Quotes Top 100

There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing. - Anonymous

There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing. Anonymous

People Quotes Think Quotes Time Quotes

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. - Anonymous

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. Anonymous

People Quotes Sayings Sleep Quotes

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. - Sam Levenson

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Sam Levenson

Sayings Short Quotes

If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece. - Anonymous

If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece. Anonymous

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! - Anonymous

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! Anonymous

Know Quotes Never Quotes Time Quotes

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X. - Anonymous

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X. Anonymous

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. - Anonymous

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! - Anonymous

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice. - Anonymous

Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Think Quotes

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle. - Jack Adams

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

Jack Adams

Famous Quotes Life Quotes

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible. - Anonymous

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

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