Wise cracks and funny advise that people have given to others.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.
Don't worry about what to wear today, your smile goes with any clothes.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.
Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time.
Want someone to stop texting you? Send back 'SERVICE ERROR 305: DELIVERY FAILED, FURTHER MESSAGES WILL BE CHARGED AT A RATE OF $1 PER MESSAGE TO YOUR ACCOUNT."
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
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