Wise cracks and funny advise that people have given to others.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
Don't mess with me, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu, Kung Fu and 20 other dangerous words.
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.
In Math class we learned more about algebra today, such as X+10=Y should I care?
If you don't like me, remember it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.
