Wise cracks and funny advise that people have given to others.
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on.
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
An apple a day keeps anyone anyway, if you throw it hard enough.
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
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