Stupid Funny Quotes

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I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit. - Anonymous

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit. Anonymous

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out? Anonymous

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Money Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. - Anonymous

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. Anonymous

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you. Anonymous

People Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes. - Anonymous

Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes. Anonymous

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees

David Letterman

Animals Funny Tree Quotes

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back. - Anonymous

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back. Anonymous

Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far. - Anonymous

Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far. Anonymous

Near year 2013, resolutions you can keep.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Anonymous

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes TV Quotes

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it. Anonymous

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it. - Anonymous

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it. Anonymous

It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that. Anonymous

The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi. - Bill Gullickson

The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.

Bill Gullickson

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. Sigmund Freud

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.

I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it. Anonymous

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you. - Anonymous

I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you. Anonymous

Short Quotes Time Quotes

Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more. Anonymous

Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.

Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game. Anonymous

It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins.

It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins. Anonymous

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. - Anonymous

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. Anonymous

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