Stupid Funny Quotes

When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it.

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not.

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.

Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.

Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.

But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.

I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.

I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.

It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins.

The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.