Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.
I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far.
Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am..
Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying.
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