Stupid Funny Quotes

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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... - Steven Alexander Wright

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... Steven Alexander Wright

Life Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back. - Anonymous

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back. Anonymous

But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless. - Anonymous

But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless. Anonymous

Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears. Anonymous

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees

David Letterman

Animals Funny Tree Quotes

I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup.

I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

Actual meanings of various terms.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Anonymous

Money Quotes Work Quotes

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson

Simpsons

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone. - Anonymous

Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone. Anonymous

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. - Anonymous

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly! Anonymous

It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins.

It snowed so much last night that this morning my backyard was full of penguins. Anonymous

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns

Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more. Anonymous

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it. Sigmund Freud

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious. Anonymous

The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi. - Bill Gullickson

The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.

Bill Gullickson

The last thing that blew my mind was the wind. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The last thing that blew my mind was the wind. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. Anonymous

Animals Short Quotes

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Steven Alexander Wright

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