Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.
Never ask a starfish for directions.
My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
Be bold, be italic, but never regular.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.
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