How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.
Never ask a starfish for directions.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2016