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Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.

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The hardest thing to find in life is happiness.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.

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I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

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If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

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I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

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The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

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I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

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The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.

The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.

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The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

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When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

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Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!

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Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion.

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight.

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I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

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Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.

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Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to!

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I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

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What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy?

What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"

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I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.

I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.

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