Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
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