Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.
I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to!
Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.
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