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Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.

If you live in a school, then you're probably a fish.

If you live in a school, then you're probably a fish.

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Short Animals Live

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.

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The hardest thing to find in life is happiness.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.

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Life Money Happy

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.

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Life Animals Cat

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The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

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Stupid Drinking Tree

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

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Animals Think Dog

I'm fast, great and unstoppable! You're a train??

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Short Stupid Great

The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.

The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.

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Short Life Best

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

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I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

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Stupid Lazy Never

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The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

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Short Work Sayings

Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!

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I called tech support and told them my computer is frozen.

I called tech support and told them my computer is frozen. They said to hold the power button, and I was like 'Ummm.. it's covered with ice man."

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Prescribed laughter

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.

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When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

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I don't care when people honk at me, but when geese do, I get out of the way!

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Short Animals People

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to!

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Moments World People

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

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Short Lazy Sayings