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Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.

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Money Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

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Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
The last thing that blew my mind was the wind. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.

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Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.

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Friend Quotes Life Quotes
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.

The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.

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Animals
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.

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Happy Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

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Love Quotes Marriage Quotes Top 100
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

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Animals Dog Quotes Think Quotes

My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.

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Computers Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!

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Happy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!" - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"

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Animals Happy Quotes Man Quotes
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

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Moments Money Quotes Short Quotes
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

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Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

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Drinking Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.

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Life Quotes Short Quotes TV Quotes
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

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Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Sayings
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

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Beer Quotes Drinking Exercise Quotes
In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

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Stupid Quotes Top 100
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

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Happy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?

Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?

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Life Quotes Questions Top 100
Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to!

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Moments People Quotes World Quotes
Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.

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Money Quotes Never Quotes Sayings
Prescribed laughter

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.

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People Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.

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Animals Cat Quotes Life Quotes

I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.

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Friend Quotes Love Quotes Top 100

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