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Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Friend Quotes Life Quotes

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Phone Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Stupid Quotes Top 100

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Money Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Drinking Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes TV Quotes

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Moments People Quotes World Quotes

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Sayings

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes

I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.

I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Life Quotes Time Quotes

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Beer Quotes Drinking Exercise Quotes

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Life Quotes Short Quotes TV Quotes

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Marriage Quotes Money Quotes Think Quotes

Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Eat Quotes Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Life Quotes

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Animals Cat Quotes Life Quotes

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Moments Money Quotes Short Quotes

The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.

The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Moments TV Quotes

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Love Quotes Marriage Quotes Top 100

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion.

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Witty Quotes

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes