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Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

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Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

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Love Quotes Marriage Quotes Top 100

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!

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Happy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

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Beer Quotes Drinking Exercise Quotes

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.

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Money Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

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Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Sayings

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.

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Friend Quotes Life Quotes

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

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Phone Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

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Drinking Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes

Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.

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Money Quotes Never Quotes Sayings

In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

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Stupid Quotes Top 100

Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?

Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?

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Life Quotes Questions Top 100

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

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Animals Dog Quotes Think Quotes

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

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Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

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Marriage Quotes Money Quotes Think Quotes

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

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Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.

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Friend Quotes Love Quotes Top 100

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.

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Animals Cat Quotes Life Quotes

I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.

I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.

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Life Quotes Time Quotes

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.

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Happy Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

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Moments Money Quotes Short Quotes

The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.

The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.

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Life Quotes Short Quotes

In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it.

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Happy Quotes Life Quotes

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

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Happy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes