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Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Famous Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Friend Quotes Life Quotes

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Moments People Quotes World Quotes

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Phone Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Stupid Quotes Top 100

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Beer Quotes Drinking Exercise Quotes

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Sayings

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Money Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Love Quotes Marriage Quotes Top 100

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Moments Money Quotes Short Quotes

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Animals Cat Quotes Life Quotes

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Animals Dog Quotes Think Quotes

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Life Quotes Short Quotes TV Quotes

In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Life Quotes

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Drinking Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes TV Quotes

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Marriage Quotes Money Quotes Think Quotes

Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Time Quotes Work Quotes

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Moments TV Quotes

Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?

Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find? CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Life Quotes Questions Top 100

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.

The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes