Funny TV Quotes

There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

Today I started gardening... I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Each year in the USA, 16 people are attacked by sharks and 6000 by goats . We don't need shark week, we need goat week.

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on T.V.

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.