Work quotes about management and jobs. Your colleagues and your boss will have a blast reading these.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
Just once I'd like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear "Monday has been cancelled," and then go back to sleep.
Listen, before I had my coffee I didn't know how awesome I was going to be today either.
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?
I'm always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday?
I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.
All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.
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