Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake. - Anonymous

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Short Quotes Love Quotes Eat Quotes

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. - Anonymous

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. - Anonymous

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

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Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. - Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

People Quotes Internet

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. - Anonymous

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth. - Anonymous

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth.

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends. - Anonymous

If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends.

Life Quotes Math Quotes

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from. - Anonymous

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Analogies Internet

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I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font. - Anonymous

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font.

Short Quotes Sayings

How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed. - Anonymous

How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut. - Anonymous

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it? - Anonymous

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it?

Think Quotes Math Quotes

Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt. - Anonymous

Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt.

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon. - Anonymous

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon.

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! - Anonymous

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly!

Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate. - Anonymous

Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate.

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