Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Anonymous

StupidMath

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Anonymous

ShortLifeBest

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Anonymous

ShortLazy

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Anonymous

StupidWise

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The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

ShortWorkSayings

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Anonymous

StupidFacebook

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.

Anonymous

StupidLifeHappy
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

Mark Twain

ShortAnimalsCat
When life gives you lemons, follow the five-step plan.

When life gives you lemons, follow the five-step plan:
1.Sit on the couch.
2.Turn on the TV.
3.Throw lemons at life.
4.Force life to make lemonade for you.
5.Drink the lemonade.

Anonymous

Life

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I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

Anonymous

Computers

Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.

Anonymous

ShortLifeLove
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Anonymous

LoveMoney

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Anonymous

ShortSayingsThink

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Anonymous

ShortStatementsPeople
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Anonymous

ShortLifeNever

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