Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!

Never ask a starfish for directions. - Anonymous
Never ask a starfish for directions. Anonymous
Never Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. - Anonymous
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
But when you fart just one time...
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time... Anonymous
Happy Quotes Sayings Time Quotes
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. Anonymous
Sayings
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. Anonymous
Phone Sayings
I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-top on top of it. - Anonymous
I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-top on top of it. Anonymous
Sayings
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary. - Anonymous
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary. Anonymous
Facebook Short Quotes Wise Quotes
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. - Anonymous
I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. Anonymous
Life Quotes Stupid Quotes
Cheer myself up.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Moments Time Quotes
On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth. - Anonymous
On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Anonymous
Short Quotes Work Quotes
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. Winston Churchill
Analogies Famous Quotes Good Quotes
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. - Anonymous
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Questions Short Quotes
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Friend Quotes Sayings
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