Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Anonymous

PhotoQuotesMath

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoLife Quotes
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

Anonymous

PhotoComputers

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Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoPeople

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoLazy Quotes
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoFunny Sayings
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

Anonymous

PhotoFunny MomentsEat
When you fall, I will be there to catch you.

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoFunny Sayings
The broccoli says....

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Anonymous

PhotoQuotesTree

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Anonymous

PhotoLife QuotesFriend

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Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoFunny Sayings
But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Anonymous

PhotoFunny SayingsTime
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Anonymous

PhotoFunny SayingsKnow
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

Anonymous

PhotoKnowPeople

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Albert King

Short QuotesPhotoFunny Sayings

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