Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. - Anonymous

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart.

Friend Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. - Anonymous

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes Love Quotes

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Know Quotes Never Quotes Sayings

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

Math Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Analogies Love Quotes Phone

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

$Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. - Anonymous$

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

Life Quotes Math Quotes Witty Quotes

My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. - Anonymous

My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!

Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!

Friend Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Good Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. - Anonymous

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.

Friend Quotes Know Quotes Short Quotes

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. - Anonymous

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

Eat Quotes Math Quotes Sayings

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Sayings

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all. - David Letterman

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman

Sayings Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! - Anonymous

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Eat Quotes Love Quotes Sayings

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. - Anonymous

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

Friendship is like peeing on yourself.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Analogies Friend Quotes

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

Walter Bagehot

Life Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

It's so simple to be wise.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Stupid Quotes Think Quotes Wise Quotes

When nothing is going right, go left. - Anonymous

When nothing is going right, go left.

Sayings Short Quotes

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.

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