Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. Anonymous
Phone Sayings
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared! Anonymous
Animals Love Quotes
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' - Anonymous
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous
Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Witty Quotes
Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. - Anonymous
Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. Anonymous
Happy Quotes Life Quotes Stupid Quotes
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you. Anonymous
Math Quotes Stupid Quotes
But when you fart just one time...
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time... Anonymous
Happy Quotes Sayings Time Quotes
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? - Anonymous
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Work Quotes
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? - Anonymous
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Anonymous
Eat Quotes Questions Short Quotes
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. - Anonymous
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous
People Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. - Anonymous
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. - Anonymous
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Phone Short Quotes
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. Anonymous
Sayings
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. Anonymous
Short Quotes Witty Quotes
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. Anonymous
Sayings
I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying! CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Phone Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? Anonymous
Love Quotes Money Quotes
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. - Anonymous
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. Anonymous
Wise Quotes
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous
I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." Anonymous
Facebook
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water. Anonymous
Questions Stupid Quotes
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
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