Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoLazy Quotes
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Anonymous

PhotoFunny Sayings

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoLife Quotes

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If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoWise

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoStatements

I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Anonymous

PhotoWise

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoLife Quotes

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoAnimals

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoLazy Quotes

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Anonymous

PhotoQuotesWise

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As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.

Anonymous

PhotoBestFriend
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.'

I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

Anonymous

PhotoComputers
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoPeople

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoAnimals

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Anonymous

Short QuotesPhotoBest

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