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Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Anonymous

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A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Anonymous

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I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' That way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'Your password is incorrect.'

Anonymous

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Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Anonymous

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If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Anonymous

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I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Anonymous

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As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.

Anonymous

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Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Anonymous

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All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Anonymous

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I don't understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Anonymous

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I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Anonymous

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Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.

Anonymous

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I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"

Anonymous

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Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Anonymous

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Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!"

Anonymous

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There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

Anonymous

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I haven't tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor.. so I'm sure I wouldn't like Yoga.

Anonymous

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