Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. Anonymous

Phone Sayings Top 100

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared! Anonymous

Animals Love Quotes Top 100

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' - Anonymous

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous

Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. - Anonymous

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. Anonymous

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Stupid Quotes

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you. Anonymous

Math Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

Top 100 Funny Quotes »

Latest Funny Quotes

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night. Anonymous

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper available that people used to string it up in trees to annoy people. Anonymous

If you were wondering about my culinary skills... I've been asked to bring paper towels to our family gatherings. Anonymous

Good morning self-isolation inmates! Anyone know how much vodka goes in scrambled eggs? - Anonymous

Good morning self-isolation inmates! Anyone know how much vodka goes in scrambled eggs? Anonymous

Eat Quotes Good Quotes

It's not boring staying in the house for weeks in a row. But how come one bag of rice has 48,356 gains and the other 47,998? Anonymous

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday. Anonymous

Husband: I am a grown man, stop mothering me. Also husband: Have you seen my keys? Have you seen my wallet? Where did we park? I don't have clean underwear. Anonymous

Life Quotes Marriage Quotes

Honestly, I don't even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I'm like "I guess this is what we're doing now." Anonymous

Here's human empathy for you: Things die all over our windshields and we're like, "Man, I just washed this!" Anonymous

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Displayed 1-9 of 1290 funny quotes.

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