Cool Funny Quotes | 800+ Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Sayings Top 100

I already want to take a nap tomorrow. - Anonymous

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink. - Anonymous

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Moments Top 100

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. - Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Internet People Quotes Top 100

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I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. - Anonymous

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Sayings Top 100

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today. - Anonymous

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Short Quotes Top 100 Work Quotes

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. - Anonymous

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

More From Top 100

Latest Funny Quotes

If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Winston Churchill

Life Quotes Short Quotes

When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them. - Steven Alexander Wright

When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.

Steven Alexander Wright

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once. - Anonymous

No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long? - Anonymous

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Short Quotes Work Quotes

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly. - Anonymous

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Money Quotes Short Quotes

Start each day with a positive thought, like: "I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours." - Anonymous

Start each day with a positive thought, like: "I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours."

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far. - Anonymous

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu. One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.

You can't run through a campground. You can only "ran," because it's past tents.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word. - Anonymous

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word.

Displayed 1-10 of 1131 funny quotes.

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