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If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Anonymous

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I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Anonymous

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If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Anonymous

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Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Anonymous

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My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Anonymous

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Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Anonymous

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I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."

Anonymous

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Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Anonymous

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Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Anonymous

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I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.

Anonymous

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I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Anonymous

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I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-top on top of it.

Anonymous

PhotoLife Quotes

Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.

Anonymous

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I didn't like my beard at first... then it grew on me.

Anonymous

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I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate.

Anonymous

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Today I started gardening... I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Anonymous

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