Cool Funny Quotes | 800+ Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

I already want to take a nap tomorrow. - Anonymous

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink. - Anonymous

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people. - Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

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I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. - Anonymous

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today. - Anonymous

I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends. - Anonymous

If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends.

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

More From Top 100

Latest Funny Quotes

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor."

Witty Quotes

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Mark Twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

The word aerobics comes from two Greek works: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremedous boredom."

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. - Anonymous

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

The brain is a wonderful organ it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Robert Frost

Work Quotes

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

Jack Adams

Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy.

Albert Einstein

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Rita Mae Brown

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.

Bernard Bailey

Displayed 1-10 of 1142 funny quotes.

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