Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

Top 100 Funny Quotes »

Latest Funny Quotes

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Short Quotes

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Short Quotes

Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Work Quotes

It's hard to find a friend who is 95% talented, 96% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet. So don't you dare lose me!

Friend Quotes

Displayed 1-10 of 1197 funny quotes.

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