Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

Top 100 Funny Quotes »

Latest Funny Quotes

I'm not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Moments

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

What if there was no Google? Good question.. I'll have to Google it.

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Anonymous

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Sayings

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.

Sayings

I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough.

Displayed 1-10 of 1175 funny quotes.

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