Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. Anonymous

Phone Sayings Top 100

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared! Anonymous

Animals Love Quotes Top 100

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' - Anonymous

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous

Funny Tree Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you. Anonymous

Math Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. - Anonymous

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. Anonymous

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Stupid Quotes

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? - Anonymous

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Anonymous

Eat Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

Top 100 Funny Quotes »

Latest Funny Quotes

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Alan Dundes

They say we learn from our mistakes, that's why I'm making as many as possible. Soon I'll be a genius. Anonymous

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It's dead yarn now though. Anonymous

I'm so tired of saying "Oh darn, forgot to put on my mask." Like I'm Batman or something. Anonymous

Does anyone else rip off their mask after walking out of a store, like they just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey's Anatomy? Anonymous

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic. Anonymous

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape. Anonymous

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom. Anonymous

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference. Anonymous

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I'll let you do my job. Anonymous

Displayed 1-9 of 1330 funny quotes.

2
3
4
Next Page »

In a hurry? We have short quotes that make a quick read.

Read the funniest quotes in our Top 100 Funny Quotes and Sayings.

Have an amazing quote or saying? Click here to send it to us.

We read all submissions, but only the funniest quotes and sayings will be posted.