Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

Top 100 Funny Quotes »

Latest Funny Quotes

Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

If you think nobody cares that you're alive try missing a couple of payments.

My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

Work Quotes

It's hard to find a friend who is 95% talented, 96% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet. So don't you dare lose me!

Friend Quotes

I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK."

Questions

Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Life Quotes

Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do.

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

Displayed 1-10 of 1192 funny quotes.

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