Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

Top 100 Funny Quotes »

Latest Funny Quotes

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn't know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Work Quotes

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you.

I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...

Bought a new pair of shoes with memory insoles. No more forgetting why I talked into the kitchen.

Stupid Quotes

People say "go big or go home" like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah I want to go home, and I'll have a nap when I get there.

Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.

Sayings

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

Displayed 1-10 of 1204 funny quotes.

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