Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Phone Sayings Top 100

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

Questions Stupid Quotes Top 100

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

Animals Love Quotes Top 100

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Stupid Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Math Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

Top 100 Funny Quotes »

Latest Funny Quotes

Ever looked at your ex and wondered... was I drunk the entire relationship?

Love Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Where do I see myself in a year? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

How to do sit-ups: Lay down, hands behind your head. Wow, this is a good position for a nap. Maybe I'll just take a nap.

Lazy Quotes Sleep Quotes

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I'll shop.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn't ready.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's like 7 years in a row now.

Target cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for? Me: First of all, I wasn't looking for ANY of this.

Less is more, unless it's kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Displayed 1-10 of 1242 funny quotes.

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