Cool Funny Quotes - 1200 Amusing Sayings and Quotations

Top Quotes

Top seven quotes from the Top 100 funny quotes.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.

But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste. - Anonymous

I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

The broccoli says....

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Displayed 1-7 of 100 top quotes.

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Latest Funny Quotes

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Sayings

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.

Sayings

I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough.

Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met, yet.

Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Sayings

If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.

Sayings

What's your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.

Displayed 1-10 of 1170 funny quotes.

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