Top Quotes

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Anonymous

Short QuotesTop 100Love Quotes

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Anonymous

Top 100Sayings

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Anonymous

Top 100Sayings

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Anonymous

Top 100

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Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Anonymous

Top 100People QuotesInternet

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic.

Anonymous

Top 100Witty Quotes

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Anonymous

Top 100Sayings

Latest Funny Quotes

I want to sleep but my brain won't stop talking to itself.

Anonymous

Short QuotesThink QuotesSleep Quotes

Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet.

Anonymous

Sleep QuotesInternet

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.

Anonymous

A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughters school concert.

Anonymous

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Anonymous

Short QuotesExercise Quotes

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Anonymous

Short QuotesEat Quotes

"Well at least I don't have to wake up any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Anonymous

Lazy Quotes

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Anonymous

Short QuotesAnalogies

The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Anonymous

Sayings

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit.

Anonymous

Short QuotesExercise Quotes

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