Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees
More Quotes by David Letterman
God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
I don't care when people honk at me, but when geese do, I get out of the way!
Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.' She said, 'We can't do that!' I told her, 'You did it last week!'
Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!
When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.
The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
A horse is dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle.
For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.
In spring birds return from their tropical vacation. Six months later they regret their decision and go back.
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.
How was the dog's day? Ruff.
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