Stupid Funny Quotes

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A list of senseless quotations that are dumb and extremely amusing. Even the most naive person can say something really funny.

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Math Quotes Top 100

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. - Anonymous

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Top 100

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

The broccoli says....

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Funny Tree Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. - Anonymous

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Short Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Know Quotes Never Quotes Sayings

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

Sayings World Quotes

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.

Short Quotes Top 100

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. - Anonymous

Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.

Questions Short Quotes

Pilot rules

Beginner pilot rules:

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Short Quotes

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone. - Anonymous

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone.

Friend Quotes Good Quotes Short Quotes

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. - Anonymous

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

People Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Good Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt. - Anonymous

It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. - Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

Sayings Short Quotes Think Quotes

Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes. - Anonymous

Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes.

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. - Anonymous

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.

Know Quotes Short Quotes

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. - Anonymous

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all. - David Letterman

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman

Sayings Wise Quotes

Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. - Anonymous

In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

Beer Quotes Drinking

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