Stupid Funny Quotes

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.

I'm multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.