Stupid Funny Quotes

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A list of senseless quotations that are dumb and extremely amusing. Even the most naive person can say something really funny.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

$Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.$

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you. Anonymous

Math Quotes Top 100

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.

What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water. Anonymous

Questions Top 100

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' - Anonymous

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?' Anonymous

Funny Tree Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. - Anonymous

Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. Anonymous

Happy Quotes Life Quotes Top 100

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. - Anonymous

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. Anonymous

Top 100 Wise Quotes

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Phone Short Quotes Top 100

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. - Anonymous

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. Anonymous

Know Quotes People Quotes Top 100

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? - Anonymous

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? Anonymous

Questions Top 100

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. - Anonymous

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous

People Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all. Anonymous

Sayings Top 100 World Quotes

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. - Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Think Quotes

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. - Eric Morecambe

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Top 100 Witty Quotes

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. - Anonymous

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. Anonymous

Life Quotes Top 100

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid. Anonymous

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. - Anonymous

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Top 100

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down. Anonymous

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons...and 85% morons. Frank Zappa

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Anonymous

People Quotes Questions Short Quotes

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. Anonymous

Know Quotes Never Quotes Sayings

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