Woody Allen has written many funny phrases, and he was once a writer for the TV show Candid Camera. Here is a great collection of quotes written by him that we think are very clever and amusing.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
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