Woody Allen has written many funny phrases, and he was once a writer for the TV show Candid Camera. Here is a great collection of quotes written by him that we think are very clever and amusing.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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