Stupid Funny Quotes

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It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that. Anonymous

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees

David Letterman

Animals Funny Tree Quotes

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. - Anonymous

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. Anonymous

Life Quotes Top 100

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.. Anonymous

Never Quotes Short Quotes

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you. Anonymous

People Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. - Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. Anonymous

Short Quotes Wise Quotes Witty Quotes

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it. Anonymous

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

You can't have everything... where would you put it? Steven Alexander Wright

Questions Sayings Short Quotes

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work. Anonymous

Phone Work Quotes

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. - Anonymous

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. Anonymous

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly! Anonymous

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying. Anonymous

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. - Anonymous

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out? Anonymous

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Steven Alexander Wright

Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far. - Anonymous

Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far. Anonymous

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. - Anonymous

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor. Anonymous

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying.

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. - Anonymous

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. Anonymous

Know Quotes Top 100

I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup.

I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. - Anonymous

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Anonymous

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit. - Anonymous

I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit. Anonymous

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. Anonymous

Animals Short Quotes

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