Stupid Funny Quotes

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I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson

Simpsons

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly! Anonymous

Cupcakes

If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. - Anonymous

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. Anonymous

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying.

I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes TV Quotes

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry

Beer Quotes Drinking Famous Quotes

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.. Anonymous

Never Quotes Short Quotes

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry. Anonymous

Drinking Never Quotes

I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle. - Anonymous

I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle. Anonymous

Money Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. Dave Barry

Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears. Anonymous

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow. - Anonymous

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow. Anonymous

Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious. Anonymous

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.

After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying. Anonymous

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard. Anonymous

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Money Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

Actual meanings of various terms.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Anonymous

Money Quotes Work Quotes

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out? Anonymous

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. - Anonymous

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. Anonymous

I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident. - Anonymous

I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees

David Letterman

Animals Funny Tree Quotes

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