Funny Animal Quotes

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Cats, dogs, and most animals have a magical way of being funny and cute without even trying. If you're an animal lover you will love these.

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

Love Quotes

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you. - Anonymous

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. - Anonymous

What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.

Questions

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. - Anonymous

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first. - Anonymous

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.

Dog Quotes

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status.

I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

You can trust your dog to guard your house.

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.

For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Anonymous

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. - Anonymous

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys. - Anonymous

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.

You can teach a cat to do...

You can teach a cat to do anything that it wants to do.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers. - Anonymous

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.

Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.' - Anonymous

What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

Photo of lioness sitting on grass with quotation about lion being afraid.

A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade." - Anonymous

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade."

Short Quotes

I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you. - Anonymous

I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you.

It was me, I let the dogs out. - Anonymous

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah. - Anonymous

Never play poker with the world's fastest animal, because he's a cheetah.

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