Marriage Quotes

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About the married life, wives, husbands and more. Send these to your wife or husband on your anniversary and watch them laugh until they cry.

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. - Anonymous

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

Anonymous

My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich. - Violet Matters

When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.

Violet Matters

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

Anonymous
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner
Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms. - Anonymous

Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms.

Anonymous
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. - Sigmund Freud

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.

Sigmund Freud
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Joey Adams
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

Anonymous
Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park. - Anonymous

Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.

Anonymous
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Anonymous
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty.

I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.

Anonymous
Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse. - Anonymous

Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.

Anonymous
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

Anonymous
People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

Anonymous
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

Ogden Nash
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman
My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.

My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.

Anonymous
When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.

When a man gets close to a woman wearing a leather mini-skirt, his heart starts beating faster, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak and he becomes irrational.. Why? Because the leather smells like a new car.

Anonymous
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

Anonymous
Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.

Anonymous
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?

Groucho Marx
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