I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance.
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true.
To thrive in life you need three bones. A wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
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