There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.
Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do.
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.
Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat.'
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.
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