The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful!.. Then I look at you... and.. I think I'll look at the moon again?!
I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.
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