There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
Be happy, it drives people crazy.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
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