Funny Sayings

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Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. Anonymous
Phone Top 100
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. Anonymous
Top 100
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. Anonymous
Top 100
But when you fart just one time...
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time... Anonymous
Happy Quotes Time Quotes Top 100
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Anonymous
Sleep Quotes Top 100
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. - Anonymous
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them. - Anonymous
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them. Anonymous
If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted. Anonymous
Short Quotes
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. Anonymous
Top 100
Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. - Anonymous
Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. Anonymous
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes Top 100 World Quotes
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? Anonymous
Questions
When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you.
When the past comes knocking, don't answer. It has nothing new to tell you. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
When nothing is going right, go left. - Anonymous
When nothing is going right, go left. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. - Anonymous
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. Anonymous
Love Quotes Top 100
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. - Albert King
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Albert King

Short Quotes Top 100
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. Anonymous
Know Quotes Think Quotes Top 100
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! - Anonymous
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! Anonymous
Eat Quotes Love Quotes Sleep Quotes
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. Anonymous
Know Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice. - Anonymous
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice. Anonymous
Short Quotes Think Quotes Wise Quotes
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. Anonymous
Never Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. - Anonymous
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Anonymous
Know Quotes Statements Top 100
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