Funny Sayings

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Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.

But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Think Sleep Eat

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

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I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Short Stupid Good

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Work Best

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Short Think People

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Winston Churchill

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

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You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Never ask a starfish for directions.

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.

Henry Louis Mencken

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