Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.
If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
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