Funny Sayings

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Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

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They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

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My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

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I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

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Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.

Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.

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It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

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When nothing is going right, go left.

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I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

When you fall, I will be there to catch you.

When you fall, I will be there to catch you - With love, the floor.

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When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.

When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.

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