Funny Sayings

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Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. - Anonymous

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Famous Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. - Anonymous

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters.

Sleep Quotes Top 100

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

People Quotes Top 100

People say "go big or go home" like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah I want to go home, and I'll have a nap when I get there.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Top 100

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. - Anonymous

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

Short Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. - Sam Levenson

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Happy Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. - Anonymous

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Math Quotes Short Quotes

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. - Anonymous

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.

Love Quotes Top 100

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

Exercise Quotes Friend Quotes Top 100

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

Math Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. - Anonymous

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

Short Quotes Statements

Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test. - Anonymous

Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.

Phone Short Quotes Top 100

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

Know Quotes Life Quotes Phone

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. - Albert King

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Albert King

Short Quotes Top 100

Displayed 1-25 of 245 quotes.