Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.
When nothing is going right, go left.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.
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