Funny Sayings

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Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
But when you fart just one time...
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time... Anonymous
Happy Quotes Time Quotes Top 100
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes
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My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous
My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Anonymous
Short Quotes Sleep Quotes Top 100
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. Anonymous
Know Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! - Anonymous
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! Anonymous
Eat Quotes Love Quotes Sleep Quotes
I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.
I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. Anonymous
Top 100
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. - Albert King
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Albert King

Short Quotes Top 100
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes Top 100 World Quotes
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Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. - Anonymous
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
When nothing is going right, go left. - Anonymous
When nothing is going right, go left. Anonymous
Short Quotes Top 100
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. - Anonymous
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Think Quotes
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. Anonymous
Top 100
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous
Top 100
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. Anonymous
Phone Top 100
I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.
I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it. Anonymous
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. - Anonymous
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Know Quotes Top 100
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs...
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. Anonymous
Drinking Man Quotes Top 100
Displayed 1-24 of 246 quotes.

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