Funny Sayings

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Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Short Stupid Good

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.

Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.

A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.

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You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

It's alright if you don't agree with me... I can't force you to be right.

I am too lazy to be lazy.

I am too lazy to be lazy.

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Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

Short Statements

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Short Think People

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