Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.
If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters.
There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.
People say "go big or go home" like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah I want to go home, and I'll have a nap when I get there.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Smile like a monkey with a new banana.
My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.
I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
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