Funny Sayings

Home / Funny Sayings

Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Happy Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them. - Anonymous

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

People Quotes Top 100

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. - Anonymous

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. - Anonymous

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

Stupid Quotes Top 100 World Quotes

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam - Anonymous

If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don't open it. It's spam

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Sleep Quotes Top 100

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

Short Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. - Anonymous

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Know Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. - Albert King

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Albert King

Short Quotes Top 100

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Know Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.

P.D. East

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Lazy Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

Never Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.

Know Quotes Think Quotes Top 100

Displayed 1-24 of 245 quotes.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Next Page »