Funny Sayings

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Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. Cast your vote for the best saying and see which phrases other people liked.

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous

It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone. - Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example. - Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

But when you fart just one time...

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

Happy Quotes Time Quotes Top 100

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Sleep Quotes Top 100

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.

Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice. - Anonymous

Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.

Short Quotes Think Quotes Wise Quotes

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Short Quotes Top 100

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them. - Anonymous

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

When nothing is going right, go left. - Anonymous

When nothing is going right, go left.

Short Quotes Top 100

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. - Anonymous

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

Short Quotes Top 100

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. - Anonymous

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Think Quotes

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.

Stupid Quotes Top 100 World Quotes

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. - Anonymous

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Short Quotes Top 100

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Know Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.

Know Quotes Think Quotes Top 100

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

Never Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! - Anonymous

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Eat Quotes Love Quotes Sleep Quotes

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

Never Quotes Top 100 Wise Quotes

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever. - Anonymous

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Displayed 1-24 of 245 quotes.

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