Funny Sayings

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
But when you fart just one time...

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy.

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.