Funny Quotes About Eating

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.

There's nothing better than a good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur.

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way.

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

"Made with love," means I licked the spoon and kept using it.