I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
More Quotes by Dave Barry
There are three sides to an argument - your side, my side and the right side.
Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
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