When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour.
My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.
My boss told me "It's not rocket science." Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
George W. Bush
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