For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing?
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button.
You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'
I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.
Being angry is not necessarily bad, some the best things were invented by angry people. Lamborghini didn't produce a single car until Enzo Ferrari made him angry.
I don't care when people honk at me, but when geese do, I get out of the way!
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