Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.
I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?
I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow .
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
The only relationship I have is with my Wi-Fi. We have a connection.
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to!
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.
I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.
What type of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.
If you can't remember my name, just say "Chocolate" and I'll turn around.
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.
I don't mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
