The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?
Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
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