Funny Quotes About Eating

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.

"Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too?" Darn right, what good is cake if you can't eat it ?

Next week I'm going on a diet, you can buy me jewelry instead of chocolate.

My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy.

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.

There's nothing better than a good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.

Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.