Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
Next week I'm going on a diet, you can buy me jewelry instead of chocolate.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy.
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!
I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way.
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
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