Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better! Anonymous
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Anonymous
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." Anonymous
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. Anonymous
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous
I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident. Anonymous
If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won't feel like you are lonely any more. Anonymous
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. Anonymous
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle. Anonymous
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? Anonymous
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending. Anonymous
Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams! Anonymous
I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world. Steven Alexander Wright