The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
More Quotes by Mark Twain
I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.
After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
An apple a day keeps anyone anyway, if you throw it hard enough.
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.
I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident.
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...
Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I
start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
Pros and cons for making food: Pro: Food. Con: Making.
Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.
"Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too?" Darn right, what good is cake if you can't eat it ?
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
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