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I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
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If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.
Anonymous
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.
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I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room... well not too humid, because you know... my hair.
Anonymous
Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
Anonymous
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
Anonymous
I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."
Anonymous
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Erma Bombeck