Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. - Anonymous

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Wise Quotes

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. - Anonymous

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

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I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-top on top of it. - Anonymous

I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-top on top of it. Anonymous

Sayings

I wish my wallet came with free refills. - Anonymous

I wish my wallet came with free refills. Anonymous

Money Quotes Short Quotes

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? - Anonymous

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Anonymous

Questions

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? - Anonymous

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? Anonymous

Life Quotes Money Quotes Phone

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' Anonymous

Dog Quotes Stupid Quotes

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen

Marriage Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. - Anonymous

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Phone Short Quotes

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. - Anonymous

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. Anonymous

Sayings Sleep Quotes

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful. - Anonymous

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. - Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

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