Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous

Sayings

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor. - Anonymous

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor. Anonymous

Analogies Money Quotes Short Quotes

How do I like my eggs? In a cake. - Anonymous

How do I like my eggs? In a cake. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Sponsored Links

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. - Anonymous

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared! Anonymous

Animals Love Quotes

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. - Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. - Anonymous

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. - Anonymous

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." - Anonymous

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard, but you'll be okay. Here's a coffee and a million dollars." Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes Money Quotes

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? - Anonymous

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Anonymous

Questions

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. - Anonymous

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes

just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal. - Anonymous

just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal. Anonymous

Wise Quotes

I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing. - Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. - Anonymous

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

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