Top 100 Funny Quotes

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

Anonymous

If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.

Anonymous

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

Anonymous

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Anonymous

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

Anonymous

I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.

Savannah Highnote

I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Anonymous

When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.

Anonymous

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

Anonymous

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.

Anonymous

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Dave Barry

Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.

Anonymous

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Albert Einstein

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.

Anonymous

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Anonymous

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

Anonymous