Top 100 Funny Quotes

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?

Anonymous

Don't invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Anonymous

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Anonymous

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there's a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Anonymous

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.

Pablo Picasso

It's funny how nobody notices all the good things you do until you don't do them.

Anonymous

Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes.

Anonymous

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

Anonymous

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.

Anonymous

Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Anonymous

If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

Anonymous

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting... It's like, woah, I'm not the same person I was last night.

Anonymous

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Anonymous

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Paul Fix

Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart.

Anonymous

Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago?

Anonymous

You're never too old to do goofy stuff.

Anonymous