Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.

Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia. Anonymous

Drinking Questions Stupid Quotes

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. - Anonymous

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Anonymous

Good Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. - Anonymous

Sometimes I'm grateful that thoughts don't appear as bubbles over our heads. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. -Albert Einstein

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Love Quotes Man Quotes

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. - Anonymous

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. - Anonymous

I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Good Quotes People Quotes

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous

Animals TV Quotes Witty Quotes

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31. Anonymous

Sleep Quotes Work Quotes

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Anonymous

People Quotes Questions Short Quotes

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down. Anonymous

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. - Anonymous

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all. - David Letterman

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman

Sayings Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. Anonymous

Never Quotes Sayings Stupid Quotes

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Sayings

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom. - Anonymous

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom. Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. Anonymous

Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around. Anonymous

Animals Cat Quotes Computers

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. - Anonymous

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. Anonymous

Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein

Famous Quotes Love Quotes People Quotes

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. - Anonymous

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes Love Quotes

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