Top 100 Funny Quotes

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

Never ask a starfish for directions.

In Math class we learned more about algebra today, such as X+10=Y should I care?

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.

When nothing is going right, go left.