Top 100 Funny Quotes

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Today I was a hero. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.