A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.
My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street.
Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.
My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.
On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.
Life is too short to worry about matching socks.
Life is too short to remove USB safely.
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
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