Top 100 Funny Quotes

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?

Anonymous

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Anonymous

Me sarcastic? Never.

Anonymous

Never ask a starfish for directions.

Anonymous

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.

Henry Louis Mencken

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

Anonymous

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work.

Anonymous

I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Anonymous

We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

Anonymous

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.

Anonymous

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after.

Anonymous

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Anonymous

Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.

Anonymous

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Sam Levenson

Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Anonymous

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

Anonymous