Top 100 Funny Quotes

I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.

Anonymous

Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!

Anonymous

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.

Anonymous

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.

Anonymous

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.

Anonymous

"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."

Anonymous

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.

Anonymous

It's alright if you don't agree with me... I can't force you to be right.

Anonymous

If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.

Anonymous

I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.

Anonymous

I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Anonymous

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.

Anonymous

The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.

Anonymous

For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.

Anonymous

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

Anonymous

My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.

Anonymous