Top 100 Funny Quotes

As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

What I do when I see someone pretty is, I stare, I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.

I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'

How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice?

You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!

A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games.

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'