Top 100 Funny Quotes

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.