Top 100 Funny Quotes

What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing.

Anonymous

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!

Anonymous

I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.

Savannah Highnote

You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.

Anonymous

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Robert Bloch

Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.

Anonymous

Treat me like a joke and I'll leave you like it's funny.

Anonymous

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.

Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this."

Anonymous

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Anonymous

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

Anonymous

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

Anonymous

I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is.

Anonymous

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Anonymous

Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."

Anonymous

God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.

Anonymous

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.

Anonymous

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

Anonymous