Top 100 Funny Quotes

My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again.

Anonymous

How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

Anonymous

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.

Anonymous

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

There's nothing better than a good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.

Anonymous

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.

Anonymous

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.

Anonymous

The road to success is always under construction.

Lily Tomlin

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

Anonymous

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need.

Anonymous

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Anonymous

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Anonymous

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.

Anonymous

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Anonymous

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

Anonymous